11.11.2010

judgements: Subway edition

so once upon a time, I was a sandwich artist.

i know, shocker, right?? i sure DID work in the food industry and i loved every aspect of my job except for the fact that it dealt with food, for a few reasons:
1. i can't cook
2. raw meat makes me gag

however, i loved my job for the following reasons:
1. i worked at subway, and therefore it was more of an art-skill than a cooking-skill
2. i was stationed in the DORMS, which meant i got hit on by adorable 18-year-old boys, and i got to see the extension of high school that is the dorms
3. i gave excellent and free dating advice to boys who suddenly had their choice of gorg girls, and girls who suddenly had a lot of boys going after them. it was glorious

anyhoo, after working there a year, i could tell you what type of person would order what type of sandwich, and what that meant about them. ready??

Cold Cut Trio/Italian BMT:
The classy boy or girl. Girl likes wearing expensive clothes from foreign lands, boy wears scarves and pea-coats. Each gender who buys this sandwich likes to think of themselves as the intellectual, traveled type, and will occasionally throw out big words. Generally paired with a "pepperccini" (yellow pepper in Laman-terms), salt, pepper, oil, and vinegar. Rarely will you find one of these high society sandwiches paired with a "lesser" sauce (chipotle, ranch, mayo, etc.).

Turkey/Veggie:
Generally these people are also classy, yet they are okay being "regular." They go for the healthier option because they care about their mind and body, not because that's what they think is "classy." Likely candidates range from cheerleader/dancer to computer scientist to business man/woman as long as they seem to be in good physical and mental condition.

Meatball:
This sandwich is in its own class. Men who order this seem to be meatheads (pun intended), and are generally the louder, taller, buffer, and beefier grade of man. Brutes and athletic types flock to this sandwich, and they generally don't put any vegetables or sauces on it in order to keep its purity of meat. Females whose option is meatball are a peculiar type. Generally, they are self-proclaimed tomboys and grew up playing softball or shot put. There are, however, the few exceptions of really small girls who choose this sandwich to prove that they are not, as others may think, anorexic. Note: they never actually finish their whole 6-inch meatball.

Chicken Bacon Ranch/Steak and Cheese:
These people are "average Joes." The thing is, that compared to the other categories of sandwiches, they are no one in particular, yet you could point them out in a crowd. They are the BYUSA. They are the Relief Society/Elders Quorum teacher. They are the mom you see at the gym once every other month (not to be confused with the mom who's at the gym everyday. she would be under the Turkey/Veggie option). They will generally clutter their sandwich with all sorts of veggies (yellow peppers, tomatoes, etc.) and sauces, and might even add salt and pepper at the end. They like everything and nothing all at the same time. Generally very indecisive, and always try to branch out to another option, and come back to these: their go-to.

Subway Melt/Roast Beef:
These are very popular options, however, they are a mix of those who are not quite high-society enough for cold cut trio/italian, and those who are not common enough for CBR/Steak & Cheese. Those who like the subway melt are the types that also enjoy intramural/city league sports events. they enjoy studying. they enjoy elitist events and groups of people, yet could never fare in a dinner party in which the president of the USA is the main guest. people who enjoy these sandwiches are often very immersed in a specific clique/group of people, and seem to think that group is normal, and everything else is abnormal.

Sweet Onion Teriyaki/Tuna:
No one gets these. Ever. I think I had to make each one MAYBE twice in the whole year and a half i worked as a sandwich artist. If you get these, you are weird. kidding, but seriously....

now the real question comes: what type of sandwich do you buy??

16 comments:

Brooklyn said...

LOL! That's amazing. This is destined to become one of those Internet memes.

Karina Marie said...

So, when I was little.. my favorite was the meatball, and every once in awhile I think about how much I want that just because of the fond memories (though I don't actually ever do it).
My absolute favorite is the Spicy Italian or the Italian BMT.. and I put every single thing you listed on it...
But, if I feel too guilty about eating that I go with a Turkey...
HAHAHAHAHAHA

Chris and Christina said...

i was a sandwich artist too! I loved making the turkey bacon with extra bacon. We got a free 6" every time we worked, it was splendid!

eden said...

i don't know that i have ever ordered anything other than a veggie from subway. i'm slightly addicted to them and now have a standing weekly appointment with my sister-in-law to have a veggie together. (:

Courtnie said...

Brook, what sandwich do you think I order? ;) I have to say, these were hilarious and knowing other people and what they order, they fit the mold just perfectly!

Evaly said...

I always get the turkey. I never go to Subway unless I want something healthier than a hamburger. I'm not completely sure about what my mental condition is :) The kids make me crazy!

thatonegirl said...

what about BLTs?
haha I either go for a Veggie or a BLT with turkey when I want meat

ps- I think you have spent WAY too much time thinking about this... although you did work at subway and therefore probably had a lot of time to think

austin said...

Italian BMT but with Chipotle. I am not well-dressed. But that sandwich is amazing.

bradleyquist said...

I recognize that I'm coming out of nowhere to do this, but I hate Subway.

Let me explain:
http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=117658370366

Alexandra said...

I hate subway too, but I TOTALLY love the sweet onion teriyaki and tuna (before i found out a 6 inch was like 40 grams of fat).

HAHA WEIRDO ALEJANDRA!

MissKris said...

I get the sweet onion terriyaki all too.

What are you trying to say Brook?

You don't have to beat around the bush.

Mimi said...

Hahaha! This was a good post. I always get sweet onion chicken terriyaki. And I'd always get tuna when I was little. So for your last category, you could probably just say "really ridiculously good-looking people with weird names". That oughta cover it.

brook said...

so i just played the "what would i order" game, and got 10/10. not bad....

courtnie, i say turkey or italian BMT....

that being said, some of my faves order the weird sandwiches!!! so maybe i'll follow mimi's advice :)

gaijindude said...

What does Brook order?!
I try something different each time. What does that say about me Dr. Brooki?

BTW: Did you actually say "Laman" for "Layman"?! That's revealing.

David's Holla Atchya! Blog said...

Italian BMT. You know, I spent $13 on the MBTI personlity test and $9 on the CISS test and your assessment is better than them both... for free!

brook said...

haha thanks, maybe i'll post more of my judgements....