relations with ships, day 3

i am juice-less for good titles today.

today's "class" was on relationships, mostly focusing on intimate ones. i soaked up every second of it because it's something i've been working on and gathering lately. gathering like people in the kalahari desert gather roots for water. i have seriously been thirsting after what i can do, who i can become, and how i can better my current relationships and ideals on love.

the format from what i learned from this lesson will be entirely scatter-brained so i will list the most excellent points, in no particular order. the first bullet will be the quote/note i took. the indented bullet beneath will be my very own thoughts. lucky you! 

1. with regard to current relationships, if you want out of one, you associate pain with staying in it. if you want in, you associate pain with leaving. relationships are about emotional associations. we don't respond to life itself. we respond to what we associate with life (or the situation). 

   a. not much i can add to this

2. relationships should be about unlimited giving and sharing. the second you start measuring what you or they've done, it becomes a transaction.

   a. this is something that i practice when dating (not in real relationships, however i haven't been in a "real" one for a long time.....but when dating, i tend to measure who invited who last. who texted last. who texted first. is it my "turn?" this for me has been hard to balance, because unfortunately we can't be too over-eager during the game phase, which stinks. i wish i could just spend time with them when i wanted to, text them if i felt like it without having to worry if i'm "being too much" or who did it last? this mentality has temporarily ruined me. because i've been in the game for so long, without this beautiful reminder, i may have gotten into a relationship and entirely forgotten that it's no about keeping tabs. it's about unlimited love, sharing, and giving.

3. no quote.

   a. he had us write a list of what we are looking for (and identifying our "musts") and what we need to be to attract that. the funny thing is that i recently went through all almost-three-hundred of my posts and created a "tag cloud" on the side for your viewing pleasure and my own sanity. as i was going through each of my posts, i ran across some gems, and these two in particular that relate to my assignments. WARNING: I CREATED THESE YEARS AGO. a letter "to my perfect man" describing him, and a funny resumé of myself. interestingly enough, the letter to my perfect man is still my perfect man, but i have some different things added, and i'm not nearly as cheesy as i was before. the resumé of myself has changed a bit as my priorities, passions, ideas, and hobbies have changed. fun to see that about myself, and good to know my ideas about who i want to end up with haven't changed with where the wind has blown me. 

   b. my one beef with the list thing: people get too stuck on it. i completely agree with him when he says that to attract what you want, you have to know what you want and what you have to become. completely agree. however, when "musts" on the list are physical traits, or ridiculously specific (like "he has to have gone to at least 23 countries and one of them has to be kenya), that is immature in my opinion. thoughts?? i used to have physical traits on my list when i was 19, but i realized with time, that as long as i was attracted to someone (sure, i have a type, but some of my favorite people i've dated haven't met my "type" at all), physical stuff can grow...

4. make a list of your "magic moments" big and small. ask yourself, "what do i love about them?" then go over the magic moments with your companion. 

   a. i LOOOOVE this point! i used to do this all the time with the last guy i dated (again, i've forgotten about this because i've been so out of relationship-practice), and i promise you it works! magic moments can be big or small--from a fleeting smile or cute text, to big important celebrations and dates remembered. 

all i can say is, this has been a wonderful reminder and refresher course. through my searching in finding and figuring out what love is,

i've learned this: love is a muscle, and a skill.

my sweet grandparents who have used the love muscle long enough...they're like love body-builders!
viña del mar, chile

if it is not exercised, it can quickly atrophy, and when used, seems to become the fountain of youth. you must practice and refine it, just as you must your body, playing the piano, or getting good at algebra, and when you do reach that point of being able to love and give freely (whether it is intimate or not), you will experience the "fountain of youth" effect. <--this was going to be a topic of one of my "love" blog posts, but i'll just leave it at that.

think about it. 

pain and pleasure, day 2

i can already tell a huge change this program has made in my life. i feel myself realizing that i am not fulfilling my dreams. i see myself settling for those things that are mundane and mediocre, without a way of getting out of the daily rut. this has come at a perfect time for me to make huge changes in my life.

it's been great to learn from someone who uses real-life examples to help us change, and i've loved every second, no matter how embarrassing or painful my realizations have come to me.

one thing that tony talked about in day two (it was split up into two days, so i just combined it in one post), is how what drives us to change to make big decisions and to run after our dreams. the two things he identifies as things that drive us in life are:
pain and pleasure.

one of the times in my life i've experienced the most pain--emotionally and physically
man, i look scary!! circa early 2008, burst appendix and burst heart (so dramatic!)
....but man did it move me into action!

see, he talks about how until we experience one of those emotions, we tell ourselves lies and stories. we tell ourself that we: "don't have enough time," "need breaks," "might lose someone if we tell the complete truth," etc. (those are all my own personal excuses i wrote down during an exercise). think about how many huge decisions you've made in your life? have you made a big decision to change your health habits (sleeping, eating, exercising) because of something painful someone said to you? have you changed the way you treat others because of something wonderful someone did to you?

i identified a few key points in my life where i wanted results, and decided to examine and understand maybe why i haven't made changes. why haven't i moved toward the solution, and just moved away from the problem? through that exercise, i was able to cause some pain (examining my own beliefs on why i'm too chicken to do something, why i've been frustrated or sad with a certain outcome in my job, relationships, and physical goals), and it's caused me to move. i've decided to become a mover and a shaker.

sure, there may be opposition that shows up to stop me masked as love, but i feel that now i know how to overcome that, and i am ready to achieve all that i was made to achieve. i will change my belief system, because whether i believe i can or i can't, i am RIGHT.

xoxo
brook
ps. follow along on richard's blog to read about other people going through the same program.

i will not settle for mediocrity, day 1

"Your life is your own, to develop or to destroy. You can blame others little and yourself almost totally if that life is not a productive, worthy, full, and abundant one. Others can assist or hinder you, but the responsibility is yours and you can make it great, mediocre, or a failure." -Spencer w Kimball

one of the happiest summers of my life!

when i stumbled across this quote, it sparked something within me, and made me reevaluate my path in life, and whether or not i was okay with where it was going. literally a few days later one of my favorite people in the whole world, Richard, talked to me about doing this incredible program created by Anthony Robbins with a group of people. yesterday was my first day and let me tell you, i'm ready to make my life above and beyond great.

for now, my "love" posts will be postponed, and i will take you on my 9-day journey through "Get the Edge." the insights i'll be learning about myself and life in general might be beneficial to you as it has been to me. maybe not, but at least you'll get to see me make a fool of myself on here.

without further delay, here are my thoughts from day 1:

one of the main nuggets of wisdom i pulled from yesterday was that "my quality of life is the quality of consistent emotions i feel."

i thought a lot about that idea, and how if i feel that my day went well, then it went well. if i feel that my day went poorly, then i'll tell people i had a lousy day. my day quality = my emotions, and my emotions are easily controlled. sure, there are times where an emotion sneaks up on me and takes me by surprise but more often than not i either choose to sulk and savor the negative or empowering feeling, or i brush it aside and go with what i really want to. i'll either sit and stew about how i am feeling left out, or i'll move on and say "no big deal, brook." i learned that i can focus on things that are positive, and that in turn my life will be positive.

now, throughout my short 24 years of life, i've had times where i can remember just exuding, leading, and oozing joy and happiness. there have definitely been times on the other hand where i want to absorb everything that made me upset, and nothing can cheer me up because i don't want to be cheered up. i'll be the first to admit, i'm nowhere near i've been in the past and i've made a new commitment to JUMP out of bed in the morning no matter what. i've re-committed to not focus on poisonous emotions that in turn show in my countenance and radiate (however poorly) onto others.

i take my life where i know it can go--beyond mediocre, and i wont blame it on anyone else.

cheesy? probably. awesome? yes.