unblock me.

you know those block games? the ones where you have to get the little red thing out the other side by moving all the other ones? it's so frustrating sometimes! you think all you have to do is swoosh, swipey, swoosh and you're there. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO... is keep pushing the little red guy forward as more space becomes available. wham, bam. but instead, you have to move the little red block backwards first in order to get it out the other side. moving backwards clears up the path. it's totally counterintuitive, and you think you're doing it wrong, and then all of a sudden the path opens up, and you feel like you've won the lottery!

well, sometimes i feel life is similar. i can often see the path, the end goal. there are other times i can't really see the end goal, but i know what i want and what makes me the happiest. i know what gives me spring to my baby steps. and maybe it's not getting out of a mess or juggling act (like it is in unblock me), but just moving forward period. i mean, word on the street is that you're either moving forwards or you're moving backwards. no in between.

but here's my question: how do you know the difference between forward and backwards? sometimes i think that i allow myself to prescribe to false messages of progression. it appears you're moving backwards (much like the blocks), but really you have to go through particular experiences and what appear to be "set-backs" in order to get to your end goal.

there are just things in every phase of life that are difficult. i've gone from having so many people i knew i could rely on, people ready and willing to hug me, to going weeks without doing anything with anyone (when i first moved to az). i've had friends that have moved back in with parents, packed their bags and called unfamiliar cities their new homes, lost or left jobs, had the courage to start or leave relationships, and so many more things! often the sentiment is that they're (we're) moving backwards, starting over, or that they feel like they're regressing. but really, i've come to realize that the step back is really just a step forward. it seems you're going back for a second (or month or year), but really in the end it was something to be felt, understood, and experienced to finally get us through to the other side of the path.

so here's the take away. don't be so hard on yourself. sometimes your idea of moving backwards just needs a little perspective, a step back to see the entire puzzle. and remember: some of us have to move and wiggle a little more to get out on the other side, but in the end, we always get there.


pops said...

Insightful. I hear chemotherapy feels like a big step back to make progress... and it is, just like you said. Progress often seems like it's going the wrong direction with limited vision. Likewise when it seems like there is breakthrough progess, sometimes it isn't. Such as when struggling to reel in a fish and the line suddenly gets light and easy to reel, you probably lost the fish. Then again that would be a different kind of progress and a lesson for future reeling techniques and temperance.

Bharti Sumarajan said...

Beautiful thoughts and very insightful....i needed that reminder so much right now.....thanks brook