what am i DOING

so if you're on facebook, and you're my friend, you know that i decided to take a life turn and go to graduate school. to some people, it may have seem out of the blue, but here's the story of why and how it all happened. reader's digest version, of course.

well, about a year and a half ago, i: took the GRE, got a fantastic score, decided not to apply to graduate school because i was happy with my job, then decided to apply because things were changing quickly, got accepted to a few schools, decided not to go to school because of a "promotion" at work, didn't get the promotion and lost my job, got a new job (remember THIS overly-dramatic post?? (how do you guys handle all of my drama?)), learned a lot from the new job, started getting antsy again and thinking about graduate school, decided no on graduate school*, then all of a sudden decided yes**, and left a week later.

*i had decided no for a few reasons: 
1. i wasn't sure i wanted to be in debt.
2. i wanted to make one thousand percent sure (yes, i realize this is impossible) that i wasn't running away. i didn't want to run away from unhappiness in my job, dating, social scene, weather, or anything. i wanted to be sure that the decision i was making was objective and logical, not irrational and reactional (not a word, i know). 
3. someday way down the line in my life i wanted to be married, and what i didn't want was to go into a marriage with debt, and an inability to fully live out the dream and career that graduate school would fuel and provide.


**it was the perfect timing:
1. i realized debt was so worth it. i was getting to a point where i was no longer progressing, and this was the next step to make me uncomfortable once again.
2. life was perfect. i had the perfect friends and maybe some of the best girl friends i've had in a long time, job was tolerable (although we were going to lose funding soon and work dynamics changed quickly), dating picking up speed, i loved where i lived, who i lived with, my grocery store, my pool, my apartment complex, my church, the sky, the sights and views, the things i did on the weekends, i was loving life in every single sense of the phrase.
3. i realized that somebody someday would love me for my crazy ideas and dreams and ambition. some crazy man would someday want to stick it out through my fickle dramatic stints, and that they would support me in the fuel that graduate school would provide me with to go out and change the world.

i would be lying to you if i said it was easy to just pack up and leave, especially with such little notice. it was anything but that. i had to tell my work the same day that it was my last day working there. i had to tell all of my friends and people i loved so deeply that i was leaving. i cried a lot. i also laughed at myself because once upon a time i really despised utah, and i had realized that i had made it my home for the last seven years. perhaps i learned to love it, own it, and sometimes defend it.

nonetheless, here i am in arizona. 22 days, and i am loving it here. my sweet dad (i would have been a lost wreck without him) drove my uhaul, stayed with me in a hotel until we found me a place to live, and even picked out a few husbands for me at church, haha. the place i live is charming. the city i live in is just my style. my roommate is adorbs. the people i have met and friends i have made are hilarious, amazing, and fun. the weather is perfect, but the main reason that i came for was school, and that has exceeded my expectations already. i am in my second week of classes, and already i am feeling myself expand, question, grow, and seek for more. i am realizing the things i can do to change the world around me, and the things that are happening around me to change me.

i've asked myself a few times, "what in the world am i DOING??!" i've woken up a few times in my new place wondering where in the world i am. i even sometimes think that i'm just on vacation, and i'll be back "home" before i know it. then, i realize how everything has worked out perfectly, and this is exactly where i'm supposed to be right now. this is going to be a beautiful experience for me, and i hope you are all ready for some really serious blog posts, and probably some ridiculous ones too. i kind of feel like some sort of pathogen growing in a lab. i am mutating and growing at unnatural rates, and have become immune to anything and anyone stopping me.

xoxo,
your favorite masters candidate in social justice and human rights
your favorite sun devil
brookie*