Person of the Day: Eunji

well, i'm here in Fiji, which means I have so many more things to talk about and project into the world besides my random life advice/lesson and love advice. lucky for you all, because i'm sure that gets old fast...

i've decided that everywhere i go, my favorite thing about going there usually ends up being the people i meet! the people in the market, the people i work with, live with, and even those who cross my path for only an hour or two via a random happenstance. i've already let too many of those people pass by without sharing their wisdom or hilarity, so i'm going to start posting the 'person of the day.' it's not going to be every day, but just when i feel like it. 

so, for the first one, i have a real gem. she is about the wisest 10 year old you've ever met and is full of wisdom on north korea and africa, her relationship with God, her worries about not crying and homesickness, and most importantly--love. (see, you still get love advice, but this time it's not from me!)

this is Eunji from Seoul, South Korea. she tried to fit into the refrigerator yesterday because a) it was really hot and b) there was a sudden flood of flying larvae that came out of nowhere and she was genuinely terrified. she loves kimchi, soda, and Beyonce, and she might be my favorite person on the planet right now. last night, Hilary (my co-director) and I were talking to her about boys, and here's the invaluable knowledge i acquired. you're welcome.

how to tell if a boy likes you (verbatim):

1. they kiss you here (the lips) and not here (the cheeks).

2. if he hugs you and spends time with you, he 100% likes you.

3. but if he takes you on dates, and he kisses you (or he lets you kiss him!), he one million no, ALL the percents likes you. 

...but don't have a boyfriend because then you have to make them good food, and look too pretty all the time with all the make ups and hairs and high heels, and that's not fun.

more nuggets of advice:

• if a boy is good and he goes to church and he likes you (see above), then you should just marry him. but if you don't know if you should marry him, wait 5 years and you will know.
• it doesn't matter if you're 45 and he is 50, or if you are 50 and he is 30, or if you are 60 and he is 20, love is love!

other advice on global politics and homesickness:

• why does everyone want to fight? i'm so sad because the mean Korea (north Korea) wants to fight and take all the good people who are poor and trick them with promises. they want to get big and get plenty money and not help people who need help. i don't want to do that to poor people. i don't want to fight anybody.
• why do people take all the nice people in Africa and tell them what to do? they just want to live!
• why doesn't Heavenly Father talk back to me? i just want to sit by him and play with him and eat with him and ask him all the questions!
• when i leave Korea, i wanted to cry so bad, but my mom told me not to cry because my papa's heart is too thin. so now i just work hard at my english to make my oma and papa proud.

BECAUSE WE'RE HAPPYYYYY: on making tough decisions.

this post comes from two spaces in my brain, venn diagraming like crazy.

space #1: 

today is the UN's national day of happiness!! click on that link, and go through each of the homemade "happy" videos. i laughed/smiled for an entire hour straight. plus, minions and pharrell are taking over my news feed and i'm not mad at that.

space #2:

i've come across another transitional period in my life where big decisions are being made. i'm talking rest-of-my-life decisions. those huge almost-paralyzing ones where you fear one step in the wrong direction will catapult you into the depths of unhappiness for the next 65 years. okay, not that bad, but we've all been there. and no, i'm not getting married.

so, as i've been searching desperately for answers in just about any place i can find, i was reminded kindly and gently about the love and power of our creator. turns out, everyone is so concerned about making "the right decision." we've been trained and cultivated to look for heart burn and enlightenment (vs 8, 9) and that's often confusing. we sit and wait for those two magical feelings to take over our consciousness. sure, that is how it works sometimes, and there are the privileged few who experience that every single time.

but here's my problem. i'm proactive, and believe in creating perpetual forward movement in my life. elder scott (in the best talk ever on this subject) taught us that we need to make educated decisions, and that if they're wrong as we progress forward, we will know. doors of opportunity will be slammed shut in our face, and we can go back to the drawing board.

here's where the venn diagram comes in. the beautiful space where happiness, true joy, and making decisions coincide to create giant glittery glowing spider strings that lead us to the direction our souls call us--and ultimately in the direction God wants us to go, where we could make the biggest contribution.

i believe we have a creator who loves us dearly and wants nothing more than for us to be happy in this life. thus, these set of scriptures have become my guidance and direction when making decisions: 

 12 And now, verily, verily, I say unto thee, put your trust in that Spirit which leadeth to do good—yea, to do justly, to walk humbly, to judge righteously; and this is my Spirit. 

 13 Verily, verily, I say unto you, I will impart unto you of my Spirit, which shall enlighten your mind, which shall fill your soul with joy; 

 14 And then shall ye know, or by this shall you know, all things whatsoever you desire of me, which are pertaining unto things of righteousness, in faith believing in me that you shall receive.

i believe that for the most part--whatever it is we are seeking an answer for (majors, future spouses, careers, kids, where to live, which Target sandals to buy, etc.)--that if it fills our soul with joy, if it makes our wheels turn, if it keeps us thinking, excited, if it's something that makes you want to do good and be good, and we totally believe that we will receive an answer, then this is our answer! i mean, ultimately, doesn't it fit the previous criteria of the heart and the mind working together at the same time??

so, what's the take away? find those things that make you happy and enlighten you. be a chaser of light, and soon enough you'll find your answers and what you've been looking for. meanwhile, i'll be taking my own advice and let you know how it goes.

here we go!

ps on a totally unrelated note, i started a 

super silly tumblr with some doodles. check it out.

on the moment you forget you're boiling an egg, and it pops.

i've been having a crisis as of late. not quarter-life. i already passed that one, with vagaries of life leading me to my current situation in arizona. now i'm having (was having) just an i'm-not-sure-who-i-am-anymore crisis. and let me tell you this: when you look for truth (read: pray for truth), be ready for the answers to accost you from all sides, no matter how contumaciously you fight to be independent, and individual. turns out you can still be independent and individual, and ask for help.

i was finding myself wondering who i was. it seems quite silly to talk about it in past tense, when this past tense was really recent--like two weeks ago. ANYWAY, why was i going down a path that had suddenly taken it's own life? why wasn't i doing the things that i loved to do anymore? i realized i hadn't: danced, played field hockey, learned a new non-church piano piece, read a fun book, painted or drawn, or really created anything in years! at one point in time, all of these things had once been part of my identity.(does anybody watch new girl? you know a few episodes ago when Winston's like...every decision in my life was made for me! they gave me a basketball when i was born! well, i was kind of feeling like that all of a sudden).

suddenly, serious anxiety took over my consciousness, and earnest prayer was the only way i knew how to find answers when the following series of events changed my life forever:

.5 this only gets a half bullet point because it doesn't really count, but was sort of the moment my wheels started turning. so, i watched the notebook and bawled my face off. i mean, i had liquids running from all over my face. but you know she discovers that she doesn't paint anymore, and then decides to go with noah? well it got me thinking about the list i created above. i didn't do the things that i loved anymore, the things that got my heart pumping! i mean, don't get me wrong, i love going to school and learning, but it's just not the same. okay, read on.

1. i read this discourse on resolutions and regrets for a discussion group. it reminded me that we are majestic, that we have godly heritage, and that we "arrive in this world...'trailing clouds of glory' from the premortal sphere." digest that for a second. the talk also reminded me that "we are capable of so much more. for that, good intentions are not enough. we must do."

1.5 i stumbled across the picture above. another small seemingly insignificant event.

2. i then attended an inspired conference for thousands of individuals. in the opening remarks, sheri dew (a woman i esteem and admire), was very raw and honest with us. her plenary guided us through some key events in her life where she was either lost, put in a difficult and stressful situation, or is still experiencing painful things outside of her control. and yet, with power and wisdom, she told us this: "when you know who you are, it changes you. figure out who you are, and it'll change your behavior. it'll change what you do, what you wear, who you date, who you're friends with, the way you treat your family, and the way you treat yourself."

3. the next day in the same conference, i had the opportunity to listen to stephanie nielson. heartbreak oozed out of her quivering voice as she told us a first-hand account of a tragic and painful plane crash she experienced. most shockingly to me, however, were the feelings of despair and depression she shared with us. her most intimate feelings when waking up from a 3.5 month coma after burning 85% of her body, were those of wanting to once again fulfill the measure of her role as a mother and wife. she longed to put baby carrots in her children's school lunches. she missed the fact that her dog would dig through the trash and eat up dirty diapers--and subsequently she would have to bend over, and clean it all up. she missed being able to care for her husband, and the dexterity and usefulness of her extremities. she told us that everything that was once her identity was completely stripped from her, even her physical appearance. it took her months to have the desire to live again. it took until she finally felt she knew who she was again--a mother, a wife, and a beautiful daughter of God.

4. alex boye (link to his hilarious music video), the biggest ball of energy you will ever get the privilege of knowing, also gave a stirring break-out session in which at the very end he exclaimed, "DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE?!" i thought to myself, what do i really know about myself? the rest of the day was quite a blur as i continued to write in a stream of consciousness the things that i knew to be true about brook dorff. it's a great exercise in gratitude, self-awareness, and potential!

5. i learned about the principle of belongingness (i've linked the oh-so-scientific source of wikipedia, but it's basic and will get the gist across. if you want to know more, ask me. i'll send you oodles of long, intense, and incredibly interesting articles). but the boiled down version is this: humans need to belong, and they need to know they are part of something greater. this creates motivation--motivation to be better, to not let others and ourselves down, and overall true joy and happiness.

and that was the moment for me. you know when you forget about your eggs boiling on the stove? it's been about an hour and you've been a multi-tasking fiend when all of a sudden you hear a giant inexplicable explosion and you take cover because you think someone is shooting at you? and almost at the same instant you duck, the lightbulb goes off: it's the egg you started to boil about an hour ago...

(from here)

by the time i read about belongingness, discouragement and unproductive emotions that lead to confusion and anxiety had basically all boiled away. i popped (like the boiling egg), and realized the giant thread in this all. that life's vicissitudes will not necessarily disappear entirely, but become much less daunting when we know: where we came from, that we belong, have individual purpose, and a unique set of gifts.

so there you have it. the longest blog post you'll read in a long time.

game on, life.

xoxo, with purpose,
brookie

"do not let a moment go by that doesn't remind you that your heart beats 900 times a day"

i will always remember today, 11/12/13 for one thing:

the day i realized the old testament and slam poetry have absolutely everything in common. yep, you read that right.

you see, i've had this poem swirly twirling in the back of my mind the last few months (watch below, it's beautiful).

"this is for the fat girls

this one is for the little brothers

this is for the school-yard wimps, and for the childhood bullies that tormented them...

shake the dust...
...do not let a moment go by that doesn't remind you
that your heart beats 900 times a day
and that there are enough gallons of blood
to make you an ocean.
do not settle for letting these waves settle
and the dust to collect in your veins."

-anis mojgani

as it turns out, shaking the dust is no respecter of persons. it's for just about anybody, in just about any circumstance. but what does shaking the dust really mean? anis tells us. it's running head-on with widespread arms into the face of life; often it's allowing things to flow into our beautifully pumping heart (that at times beats more consciously, audibly, and visibly than others). sometimes it's dangerous. sometimes it presents itself as pain. or vulnerability, love, and courage all wrapped into one giant beautiful composition of bright colors and pounding drums. we've all been there.

but here's where it gets better. isaiah (52:2) taught me this today: that shaking the dust means freeing ourselves from enslavement and captivity, quite literally.

"shake thyself from the dust; arise, and sit down, O Jerusalem:

loose thyself from the bands of thy neck, O captive daughter of Zion."

Isaiah 52:2

i learned that when we shake the dust, that we are actually just taking our rightful place. that we are being freed from enslavement, and claiming what's ours. we are quite literally standing up, (harlem) shaking the dust, and moving to a new, better place waiting for us to merely ask for it. that we are in fact running with widespread arms. that we are "grabbing the world by its clothespins...walk[ing] into [the world], and breath[ing] it" in the best way we know how.

so what's enslaving us? what's keeping us from shaking the dust?? how much dust have we allowed to accumulate on our beautiful bodies? and why?? do we believe we are enough? do we believe in growth?

i know i've had to take some painful introspective glances. do my accomplishments belie whats actually happening in my life? is my path productive, and am i really taking charge in every way that i can? i'm not sure that i am. but that's what this is all about, right?

basically, i'm saying this to myself as much as i am to anyone reading this. shake the dust! become free from your chains. do something that makes you scared and uncomfortable. recognize those places where you could shake the dust out of your lives. get out, and greet the world with open arms, and run like the wind.

someone knew you'd be traveling that way...

here i am, back from blogging oblivion. i don't know how long this will last, and it may be a one-time random occurrence. who knows.

yesterday, i was desperately trying to describe how i am feeling right now in this moment of my life to my best friend. the only analogy i came up with was i felt like i was getting my eye exam done. you know how sometimes while they're flipping heaven-knows-what in that magical chair of theirs, you know without a doubt which prescription or which option will give you the most clarity?? they're like, this one or this one? and you know for SURE it's the first one that's better. but then other times, i sit there, and they have to do it a couple times for me, and i think--IS THIS  A TRICK QUESTION? i get all confused, and second-guess myself, and make a choice in haste because i feel like the answer should be obvious but it really isn't. they always give me the cop out by saying, "...or about the same?" i mean, what does that even mean?!?! if they're about the same, why are you giving me two options??? but then i still have no solid answer. and the worst part is this: that i feel like if i make the wrong choice, i wont be able to see for the next year or two until my next appointment!

or maybe i'm the only looney person who thinks that much about eye appointments. but i take everything i do mostly seriously, and it for reals gives me anxiety. that being said, i feel like right now that's where i'm at! i feel like so many things have been so incredibly clear to me: move to arizona, do the masters' program, live here, go to india, do this, do that. there are so many moments that have been crystal clear. mind you, some clarity has come just in the knick (i actually don't know which kind of nick should be put here so i'm putting both) of time--like moving to arizona in august of 2011 to start only a few days later. but still, they were at one point or another, absolute moments of vision and clarity. but then, it seems like lately, i'm at the end of my eye exam when it starts to get hard, and mucky, and it's all starting to look the same. i'm second-guessing my previous decisions (despite at one point knowing they were what i needed to do), and i'm certainly in the dark as to where i should go next.

well, all of this was swirling around in my head the last week or two, when yesterday, i was looking for some glitter pens (what, you don't use those anymore?! i sure do!). i found this gem hiding in my folder of papers, pictures, and magazine pages i've collected since i was about 12:

which seemed to be nothing but heaven-sent. and then, i decided to "randomly" read one of my top three favorite BYU speeches of all time by elder gong (go read it!!), because i hadn't read it for a while, and there was the clarity all over again, explaining the unexplained:

"Choosing to trust in God takes faith. The best guide of all as we seek to choose faith in every footstep is the whisperings of the Holy Spirit. Teaches President Boyd K. Packer:

Once you really determine to follow that guide, your testimony will grow and you will find provisions set out along the way in unexpected places, as evidence that someone knew that you would be traveling that way. [“Spiritual Crocodiles,” Ensign, May 1976, 31]

On occasion, in unexpected places, I have been grateful—as you have been—to find such provisions."

there was my own personal provision that had been set in the most unexpected place and time waiting for me to discover it. it was the perfect "good game" pat on my butt to help me keep going, and even make decisions about my future.

basically what i'm trying to say is this: keep at it. don't get discouraged. as a matter of fact, have courage, and stand by 1) the feelings you've had (even if they don't make sense, or didn't play out the way you thought they would in your head), and the 2) direction you feel you've been given. because when you do, you'll all of a sudden find those provisions, those little bread crumbs saying you're doing just fine, and you'll have that vision you've been seeking become clear all over again.

alright, that's all folks. love you all.

xoxo, brookie

all prayers go to heaven

prayers tied on a tree at a temple in hampi, india
each prayer is left there to be remembered by all those who see it
(photo credit: katrina nelson)

i took a trauma class this last semester in my grad program, and we spent a long time talking about a term we coined: "trauma olympics."

basically, it explains the phenomenon of some traumas or pains being greater than others. people believe that their own pain is infinitely worse than someone else's so why are they complaining? or the complete opposite response of which i am more familiar--individuals thinking that their pain is nothing compared to anothers' so they have no reason to be sad or to complain.

while i've been here in india i have been humbled by people's stories and hardships. i receive strength daily from the resilient people who surround me. some people i will never see again, however the five minutes in which they blessed and enriched my life will never be something i forget. either i can't imagine the pain they've experienced, the injustice they've encountered, or life obstacles i couldn't even begin to pretend to understand.

see, the thing that makes me the most uncomfortable, and even sad, is when i have a friend or family member who starts an email or phone conversation with: "i know it's not as bad as what you've seen in india, but..." or "i've had a hard week, but i guess i shouldn't complain because it's not as hard as the people you see in india," etc.

i guess what i've realized here in india is that the trauma olympics make less and less sense to me. i share my experiences so that people who may want to read about them will be motivated to change and maybe experience gratitude and a slew of other emotions; however, i don't want those same individuals to undermine their own suffering and pain. i want people to realize that their own trauma, tears shed, and heartache are just as real as another's.

we all have times in our life when we need a little lifting. everyone can probably think of one aspect of their life that can use some extra prayers whether it be death, trying to lead a healthier lifestyle, mending relationships, schooling, making big decisions, needing help to become more social, or whatever physical ailment may at one point or another bother us. we all have prayers that need to be sent to heaven. please recognize that even if sometimes you may feel small or insignificant, i want you all to know that they all get to the same place at the same speed. all prayers go to heaven (or whatever you believe), and everyone needs love.

xo

prayer rags on a tree in hampi, india...
people leave them for specific purposes and prayers that need to be remembered and heard
(photo credit: katrina nelson on my team)

mormon.org

Within my job, and more importantly among my some of my favorite things to do, I learn about social media and how to utilize it for businesses, non profits, and spreading health information. To me it is quite fascinating and growing exponentially from day to day. New groups of people are taking up texting, facebook, blogs, and the internet in general. Most organizations, when trying to market their "product," attempt to get a celebrity to market whatever it is, whether it is getting flu shots (Utah Flu Fighters), or selling perfumes. Amongst all this learning and searching for good examples, etc., the one thing has impressed me the most is: the mormon.org Web site.

The LDS church has taken up twitter, facebook, Web sites, youtube, etc. and within all of this social marketing and social media, no celebrities are involved in "promoting" the "product." What they have instead, are ordinary people's true stories of conversion. Each one is thoroughly touching, and attests to different facets of the gospel and invaluable principles in which I believe. Go check it out...

well hello there

hi.

so this is a quickie update since i've been virtually MIA (pun intended).

1. my work is taking over my life. imagine me and my life being water, and any other additions as food coloring. so lets say that exercise is red food coloring. eating is blue food coloring. makes for a gorgeous purple. and church and other wonderful things are just purple, so it's still a gorgeous purple. and THEN you add green and yellow to the mix and all of a sudden it's poop brown. well that's what work's done to me recently. try responding to THIS beast of a grant and see how sane you remain.

1.1. on a side note, a lot of people ask me what it is i EXACTLY do, and i don't even bother to explain because it's really quite confusing. well here's a wonderful video that explains it pretty well (it's short i promise).

2. i'm going to....*drum roll please*....ECUADOR!! remember how i was going to go to peru for a whole semester after graduating? (if you've forgotten, there are several posts here, here, and here). well, i'm going to ecuador through the same organization on an expedition the first to weeks in july with my roomie. it is going to be wonderful as we'll be working with orphans and drop-in centers. on top of service, we get to do a little trip to the middle of the world (the equator, where you can supposedly balance an egg--i'll take a picture to prove it) and we'll get to slink over to the galapagos islands. you have no idea how excited i am.

3. my favorite parents came out for conference. i love and miss them dearly. pictures coming soon (don't worry mom, i wont post those pictures i promised i would never show anyone ever).

3.1. how awesome was conference?? i loved every single second of it.

well kids, that's about it. i must go work on my grant some more.....

incredible

i just watched a video of a girl explaining our religion at harvard. what an eloquent and courageous girl to answer those difficult questions!

i'd invite you to watch the video if you are or aren't LDS. and if you ever have any questions about what i believe, let me know.

a little nostalgic...

it seems like at certain times of the year, i miss my family more than ever. some examples include: easter, my birthday, usually october (haha), and other random times of the year.

general conference is one of those times, and it's this coming weekend. during the last conference in october, my parents actually had the chance to come out to utah for conference, and it was so wonderful. i look back at that weekend with nothing but love.

this year, my parents are actually in chile with the rest of my mom's family, and that kind of makes me a little homesick.  i wish i was there with all of them, but alas it wasn't possible this time.

this conference is going to be totally weird, because usually i have family or some friends to go with as i always get tickets to every session. since my friends all have family here this weekend, and my roommates are otherwise occupied, i'll have some friends for one session, but not the other ones. who knows, if you stand on the corner with a sign, maybe you'll score some pretty good seats at conference.

well, i hope everyone's as excited for this conference as i am. if i think where i was the last conference, so much has happened since then, it's insane! ahhh! well, have a lovely weekend.

President Hinckley

well, i just got news that he passed away, which makes me really sad, but i can't wait to get to know president Monson better! i'll bet he is very excited to be with his wife after so long. they were so adorable!

i loved him dearly, and i know that he was a prophet of God.

funny enough, the bishop challenged us today that if we have a blog to bear our testimonies on it, as we never know who will come across it. our Prophet's passing comes at a good time for me to do this. i know that God speaks to our prophets today, and that the Book of Mormon is made for us today. I also know that all of the truths that Joseph Smith restored are just that--truths. I love the gospel, and the peace and happiness that it brings.

if you ever have any questions about our church, click on this link.