The Hydraband!

So, sometimes I write really sentimental, serious posts, like this one I did for our team blog. Other times, despite the long work days (or maybe because of the long work days--the hot sun does a number on ya sometimes!) dealing with serious, heart-wrenching development work our team likes to have fun.

We have started a band that does everything from our own covers, to music videos. Our latest is quite the masterpiece, and edited by yours truly. I'm hoping this will get me on the ellen show someday....Please enjoy our latest here:


and our older number one hits here:


and here:

first thing i'll eat in the US

so we spend quite a bit of time here in india discussing the foods we miss the most. i'd even go as far as saying 97% of our non-project related discussions revolve around this topic....the other percentage of time is spent discussing our cool pictures we'll take (exhibit a)

but i digress.....

we've talked about...
1. which food is the first one we'll have the second we get off the plane
2. if you had to be on a deserted island with only one food for the rest of your life what would it be
3. which breakfast foods we miss the most
4. which fruits/veggies we miss the most
5. which things we can live without
and a number of other things...which leads me to my next point.

i'll tell you the things i miss the most:

1. CHEESE. you have no idea what a wonderful thing cheese is (or maybe you do!!). i certainly did when i was in the US but man i have never felt this way about cheese as i do now. what i'd kill for a slice of cheddar, havarti, goat, pepper jack, or fresh mozzarella ball.
2. avocados. 'nuff said.
3. hummus.
4. strawberries. blueberries. raspberries. blackberries. cherries.
5. a fresh, gigantic, amazing salad.
6. a nice piece of fluffy bread.
7. chocolate-covered cinnamon bears, and dark chocolate and sea salt covered almonds from trader joe's.
8. slurpees.
9. yogurtland (see previous post)

not sure why you need to know this about me, but please eat a giant block of cheese in my honor.
...but if you do, don't tell me about it, k?

xoxo

the fro-yo level

so my cousin sent me this quote because it reminded her of me:

"So needless to say, this is not activity J. Law and I would be doing if/when we became friends. We’d probably just remain on the fro-yo level for a long time.

You know the fro-yo level. The person you call to get fro-yo with you when you feel too ashamed to go alone — yet, crave it so badly that you can’t stand to live another moment with that cold self-serve fro-yo handle in your hand. If you know what I’m talking about, you KNOW what I’m talking about."

apparently it's someone talking about some celebrity picture. but the point is this: i totally have the fro-yo level. although i'm pretty sure i'm at the fro-yo level with every human. the more i thought about it, the more i realized i have a hierarchy of individuals i call on the fro-yo level, and i'd like to expound on this idea.

ladies and gentlemen, i would like to introduce to you the fro-yo level hierarchy of love:

1. the person to call first: roommate. here's the thing. you're not fooling your roommate about your work out or diet plans. they know every single detail usually, and is the most willing to "take one for the team." plus roommates are most easily coerced if you say stuff like "i'll drive" (or if you have any sort of income--aka not me--things like "i'll pay!").

all people hereafter are back-up plans:

2. the friend having a really terrible day. yes, i realize this is terribly unfair, and you am taking full advantage of their vulnerable situation and state. however, they usually always say yes and i promise fro-yo solves all problems.
3. casual school friends/co-workers. these individuals can also be easily coerced by saying "let's swing by after class/work/during lunch/take a break," etc. you don't have to talk about deep things and you're both happy. you can easily fool them into thinking you're normally healthy but this one time you want to splurge.
4. love interest you feel lukewarm about. fro-yo is a good testing ground. which toppings do they get? do they pay? conversations could easily swing from light and casual, to deep and monumental.
5. love interest you know likes you but you're not interested. again, i'm aware of taking advantage of situations. a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to get some fro-yo.

**the last resort**

6. last but not least: parents/family/bffs (if they're not 1 or 2). here's the thing about this one--play your cards right. you're not fooling anyone in this category about your diet/exercise plans, and they will make you feel bad about every single bite you take!!!! but again, if you must do this, then you must do this!

well, that's that. got we got that cleared up, and next time you swing by yogurtland or your neighborhood fro-yo place, just remember:

who you gonna call??

gym rat

here's a tid bit of a day in the life of brook dorff:


sleep in.
check social media.
study.
fall asleep reading one of the 8983787923 pages of reading per week.
WORK OUT TO STAY AWAKE.
take a nap.
check social media.
study/read/study/read/study/read
get sleepy.
WORK OUT WORK OUT WORK OUT WORK OUT.
shower/get ready for some sort of social event (this is a rare thing--happens maybe once or twice a week these days...the social event, not the showering).
stay for not too long because i want to "get back into a schedule, be productive in the morning" (and also remain mysterious and fascinating so boys actually have to ask me out--ridic, right?!)
check social media.
go to sleep.
repeat.


seriously! i have like 14 days in a week, because every half of a day is like a mini day!

i mean, look how great her butt looks!

which leads me to my next problem: the gym.


can i just vent about two things really quickly?!


1. i hate people who are machine hogs!! the other day i kept going back, only to find the same lady hogging the elliptical!! i mean, heaven forbid i have to go running OUTSIDE (read: no air conditioning, and no cardio cinema). what did people do back in the day without these?! #whitegirlproblems
2. i REALLY hate when people judge how slowly i am going on the elliptical or the stationary bike. like you know how they try to take ninja peeks at you, or pretend like they're looking past you, but you really know they're totally judging you because you're going in slow motion....BECAUSE YOU'RE AT LIKE RESISTANCE OF 20 TRYING TO GET YOUR BOOTY TO LOOK GOOD AGAIN!! and they're going like 500 miles per hour, on resistance of 1 and think they're so great just zooming past you. talk to me in a month, and we'll see who's cool then!


livin' the dream, i tell ya
keep it classy, guys
xoxo

country hip hop dancing > hip hop > country

remember that one time i hated country music?
remember how....
whitney was the first to try to convert me, and she definitely laid out the ground work. i may have been able to recognize a rascal flatts song or two.
a few years down the road, heather did all she could to get me to love it. being from down south, she was born and raised on this musical snack. we even had a "white trash bash" where she put together a play list of her favorite most country stuff she could find.

then my dear cousin/roomie karina tried her best, but i would whine and whine when country music was on. seriously, that stuff USED to make my ears bleed.
*honorable mention goes to bronwyn


well, a few weeks ago i went to a free kellie pickler concert, and it made all the difference. this girl was gorgeous, charming, and had the cutest stories to go behind the cutest songs. that was the day i was converted to country. not only that, but i dug up my old white trash bash mix, and was playing it the other day BEFORE i went out to....wait for it....country dancing! i know, i know. i'm so proud of myself.

however, combining the best of both worlds would be ideal (watch this, you wont be disappointed):

#whitegirlproblems

i've been here one month today, and the only two good things i could come up with to whine about:


1. i can't get more tan because then my expensive foundation/makeup wont match!!
2. i hate when my new roomie and friends have the same "good side" as me...super inconvenient for pictures because our only options become a) we have to look like we're spooning because we're all doing the same good side; b) one of us has to, heaven forbid, take the pic on our bad side; c) we are on the bad side but twist our heads all weird so it's on the good side but it ends up being awkward/bad/weird; d) we take 500 pictures each with a few on our good side.


...and don't tell me you don't know what i'm talking about!


#whitegirlproblems

(one of us is on our good side, and the other is not....who is who?!)

Why I have the best friends ever

and since i posted that last vid.....and girls seem to need to tell each other how much they love each other and how great of friends they are, here are some priceless quotes from my guy and girl friends lately:

1. After relating the most hilarious story on the face of earth, I received this sound adivce: "So, my advice, Brookie, is never wear star trek clothing outside of your house. Stick to your asthma t-shirts."

2. The best description of a creepster that walked into a novelty store (you can almost smell him): "This one didn't smile as much (in reference to another creepster that frequents the novelty shop). He was pretty bad. Slightly overweight with a weird slouch. Big, squareish 80's computer geek glasses, arms that seemed rigid, stationary at his sides as he walked, an uncomfortable stare, and, oddly, bleached hair. I didn't hear him say a word, and he wandered around the store, appraising novelties as a wine connoisseur examines a vineyard's latest batch, holing it up to the light, getting a feel for its color and bouquet, analyzing texture, quality, and sheen. While it's unlikely that he'll eclipse king creeper at the top of the creep food chain, he's formidable..."

3. "Yoga not only is healthy for your body and mind...but also for lame 'relationships.' " (yoga was a great excuse to get out of a lame hang-out)

4. Liz I'd put your epic one on here, but it'd give away all of my secrets...maybe in a year or so :)

SLAP!

nope, the quote isn't from Dave Chappell...

it's from the Spanish New Moon (and here's how i feel about the non-Spanish New Moon).

The next two videos have brought me great joy the last two weeks as well....part of my great last two weeks.

If you've already seen these, I apologize, as I'm usually a late-comer to hilarious videos.

xoxo,

Brook, CHES (okay, I'm really gonna stop now)

bucket list:

....someday when i don't have to work and i have money saved up.

1. go to every ballpark in the nation in one summer.

2. go to the kentucky derby and wear huge hats and a summer dress.

3. greece, thailand, spain, prague, fiji. need i say more?

4. see fireworks at the nation's capital.

5. see mount rushmore.

6. dip a foot (or two) in each great lake and the mississippi.

7. dress up in ridiculous 80's prom dresses and go to a non-80's formal event. oh wait, i already did that....

walking in the spiderwebs

i remember the exact day my 10 year-old self heard what i like to call liquid luck. okay not really, but i just watched harry potter so that was on my mind. back on topic...when i heard the most lyrically gifted, most unique, and amazing sounds of gwen stefani and her no doubt crew, i was in love. i was just learning about the "so many different people" they strummed about. i was "in love" with a boy in my class that broke my heart and "don't speak" was my anthem. i couldn't WAIT until i was old enough to have my own cell phone and make "spiderwebs" my answering machine, and then when i turned 16 so i could sing "just a girl." my best friend's older brother introduced me to them (and a million other bands that have been my favorites at one time or another), and i've never looked back. in fact, i've even been gwen stefani for halloween because i love her (and no doubt) that much, and did "don't speak" for a talent show with my dad. yes, i am a SUPERFAN.

so, naturally, i've always wanted to go to one of their concerts, but i wasn't ever old enough, or they never came to the city i was residing in, or their band broke up (i cried when i heard. no joke). when i heard no doubt was coming to utah, i jumped at the opportunity to see my idols LIVE, and let me tell you--they did not disappoint. they played ALL of the classics, did an amazing encore, and we even sang happy birthday to kingston.

here are just some visual (gwen's close-ups taken by my friend allister) and audio snacks from the concert. enjoy them, as i am right now re-living the most amazing experience of my life (okay that may be an exaggeration, but it's pretty high up there). the only thing that could have made it better was to be with my best friend, carissa (it's my life is one of the videos..just for you!), and her brother.

not-so-lonesome george

one of the highlights of the trip to the galapagos, was seeing lonesome george, and more importantly seeing him in the act of reproduction for the second time ever in his whole entire life! not that seeing that itself was any bit exciting, because to be totally honest it was a little awkward for him (he kept looking over at us!) and for us, but it was history in the making.

apparently this 70-90 year old turtle (estimated to live about 400 years) is the last of its species, and scientists have been attempting for a while to get this picky reptile to mate, with no avail. however, last year, he tried to mate with infertile eggs coming of it. they gave georgey some new mates, and we WITNESSED the action! from that date's happenings, the lady turtle has five new healthy eggs that she had laid, and i was beyond excited. if george has a child from this, as some in our group have concurred, it is due to his cheering section!

here he is (with the second "mate" jealous in the background). go get 'em!

are you for REALS??

i find myself saying the title of this blog post a lot in a variety of different situations. often times to ridiculous drivers who are going too slow, too fast, or just driving too idiotically. this also comes out in casual conversation when girls speak of desperately wanting to get married, when i hear of ex-boyfriends asking out some of my best friends (and them saying yes), when horrible people make it far in reality show competitions (mostly just american idol), when i offer people help and they say no and then get on a cell phone call and complain about how nobody helped them right in front of me, when i see how much i saved at harmons, when i get reminded to wash my hands, when cha cha's texting service goes crazy and sends me a GILLION texts in 20 minutes, when people inform me of "how old" i'm turning and "why aren't you married yet???!!!?!??!!," when my fruit goes hairy before i can eat it, when it snows during spring, when i accidentally schedule myself to be in 3 different places on the same day at the same time, and when michael scott talks. speaking of michael scott, here's a great video clip most of you have probably already seen:

man vocabulary

i have recently come across or created some very key words having to do with men. they are as follows:

*moobs: man boobs. self-explanatory.

*mantourage: this dates back to all pre-pubescent women, when they could not go anywhere by themselves. see entourage or clique. women were seen flocking to the restroom with other women and going to social events with at least two other friends. most women who experienced an phenomena similar to the male version, the mantourage, even had their own language, which many men are seeming to create in these groups. these words and phrases include those such as "dude" and "commitment-phob." many have started to study the entourage or clique to understand the strange occurrence. 

*manrichment: another word relating to woman-like behavior where men attempt to replicate the women's version, enrichment. men have been spotted during manrichment events doing things such as weight-lifting, alphabet-burping, and other similar testosterone-filled events. 

if you or anyone you know have experienced any of these strange happenings, please report immediately.

i'm kind of a big deal

okay, well not really, but i've had some fun lately. now, just to preface, this is not a bragging session, but rather a "i got to take some things off of my bucket list" session.

a couple of weeks ago, i joined the local institute choir because i heard they were singing in general conference. well, i found out that they would be singing in the CES Fireside before that, and was excited at the opportunity to sing there! needless to say it was marvelous, and "prayer is the soul's sincere desire" is now my favorite hymn due to the last four verses we never sing.

if you didn't get a chance to catch that, you can watch the broadcast here. there are quite a few times you can spot me, but in case you don't wanna watch it, i've included some still shots because i'm that vein. actually, i look funny, but hey, i got some camera time! my friend alex told me i'm a great "ooh-er." if you don't wanna watch it for me, here are several more reasons to watch it:

1. elder hales gives an excellent talk

2. prayer is the soul's sincere desire is gorgeous (starts at 7:30ish)

3. this guy (need i say more??):

well, not only did i get to be on tv for the CES fireside, but i have been on radio disney also lately. as soon as i get that clip, i'll let you know.

lastly, i got to meet carlos boozer today. this could very well be the worst picture of me ever for all time and eternity (not to mention it's my bad side!!) but who cares?? carlos' arm is around me and that's all that matters. he came for a fundraiser that was done by a local elementary school to fund one program i'm over (open airways--it's for children with asthma aged 8-11). they raised the most money, and therefore got carlos boozer at their school! (ps if you know of a school that would want to participate next year, let me know!!)

well, here are some precious pictures from the glorious event. the kids were hilarious and the girls couldn't stop giggling (and quite frankly neither could i, haha). enjoy:

anyone lose a placenta?

because they've found a couple in illinois in the sewage system. i mean, you expect to find suspicious looking things in the sewage, but never a COUPLE of placentas. especially since several cultures consider the placenta to be sacred. as a matter of fact, it's usually buried for purposes such as:

• so the mother's spirit doesn't haunt the child (bolivia)--the ghost of vivi past....yikes!
• so the daughter born (if it's a daughter) can be a good clam digger (british columbia)--THAT'S why i stink at clam digging!
• to ensure health of the baby and mother (costa rica)--duh mom, that's why we're sick all the time. maybe my appendix had beef with my placenta. speaking of, would it be MY placenta, or my MOM'S placenta? i mean, she produced it, but it was attached to me....hmmm...the mysteries of life.
• to show relationship between humans and the earth (maori and navajo)--although this could be done much easier by just attending yoga at 24 hour fitness
• to promote devoutness in the child's life (turkey)--shoot i'm in big trouble

some even thought it held magical powers:

• egyptians apparently stuck the pharoh's placenta on a stick and took it to war. that's just sick and probably horribly smelly.

and some eat their placentas. now that is just gross!

(quick quiz! what am i thinking? wrong! i'm thinking about how skin is the largest organ on the body. name where that came from!)

okay, well, anyways, i just wanted to let you know if you've lost your (don't ask me if by "your" i mean the one that was attached to you when you were born, or the placenta's you've birthed) placenta, i've found it! just make sure when you go look for it, you don't let your children swim in the sewage....

i now have no reason to leave draper, utah...EVER

i have all that i need there:

1. a temple
1.1. in n out
2. zupas
3. harmons (trust me this place is like disneyland)
4. see's candy
5. einstein's

UPDATE: 1.2. IKEA {thanks alex! duh how could i have forgotten?!?!}

BEST. DAY. EVER.

well, after having a significantly down sort of day at work, i got home, and my heart almost burst out of my chest with absolute glee and excitement.

{this is my heart bursting}

i saw a wonderful little package sitting on the table, and was hoping it was my dress that i had ordered for vday festivities. luckily, it was, and it had arrived in all it's glory with the adorable braided straps and all:

then, i saw a lovely little pile of other mail, and looking through, it was all for MEEEEE!!

the first and foremost most important thing was that i received the pardon from the judge. this will be framed:

secondly, i got a mini version of my diploma--exactly what i've wanted my whole life. in the letter it also told me that this little gem will remind me every time i open my wallet that i am an alumni of the most wonderful university in the whole entire world (in more or less words). i was so excited, i just started snapping a gillion pictures, and the following photo shoot ensued:

i heart AMERICAN IDOL

{this is us singing, duh}

okay. so far here are my faves:

*i love love love anup dawg!!! kind of nerdy, but honestly, he had an awesome voice

*i love the last guy from san francisco (he is a FOX! and he sounded good)

okay, now, some new strategies on how to get onto american idol next year (even if you don't sound good...these are sure-ins!):

*wear next-to-nothing

*bring in some sleazy pictures, and beg a lot

*bring in your kids (or just borrow some) and have them win over simon and paula

seriously, judges. what were you THINKING??

you know you're tired when...

....someone asks you how big a picture is (expecting a mega pixel answer) and you say "two seconds."

speaking of measuring things, i had a great friend named david lake and we decided one summer to measure things in weird ways....

so something that was amazing, was amazing "by a thousand."

and as for lengths, we used giraffes. so a football field is about twenty giraffes long.

i think i'm going to bring it back in style.

speaking of being tired....another fun word to google besides pms is yawn. man i was cracking up.

top five pick-up lines:

in no particular order...

1. if you had a garden, i'd plant your tulips with mine.

2. if you were a boogar, i'd pick you first

3. do you know karate, because your body is kickin'

4. is you dad a baker? because you've got some nice buns!

5. kiss me if i'm wrong, but is your name....(pick obscure name)

what's yours??