Person of the Day: Eunji

well, i'm here in Fiji, which means I have so many more things to talk about and project into the world besides my random life advice/lesson and love advice. lucky for you all, because i'm sure that gets old fast...

i've decided that everywhere i go, my favorite thing about going there usually ends up being the people i meet! the people in the market, the people i work with, live with, and even those who cross my path for only an hour or two via a random happenstance. i've already let too many of those people pass by without sharing their wisdom or hilarity, so i'm going to start posting the 'person of the day.' it's not going to be every day, but just when i feel like it. 

so, for the first one, i have a real gem. she is about the wisest 10 year old you've ever met and is full of wisdom on north korea and africa, her relationship with God, her worries about not crying and homesickness, and most importantly--love. (see, you still get love advice, but this time it's not from me!)

this is Eunji from Seoul, South Korea. she tried to fit into the refrigerator yesterday because a) it was really hot and b) there was a sudden flood of flying larvae that came out of nowhere and she was genuinely terrified. she loves kimchi, soda, and Beyonce, and she might be my favorite person on the planet right now. last night, Hilary (my co-director) and I were talking to her about boys, and here's the invaluable knowledge i acquired. you're welcome.

how to tell if a boy likes you (verbatim):

1. they kiss you here (the lips) and not here (the cheeks).

2. if he hugs you and spends time with you, he 100% likes you.

3. but if he takes you on dates, and he kisses you (or he lets you kiss him!), he one million no, ALL the percents likes you. 

...but don't have a boyfriend because then you have to make them good food, and look too pretty all the time with all the make ups and hairs and high heels, and that's not fun.

more nuggets of advice:

• if a boy is good and he goes to church and he likes you (see above), then you should just marry him. but if you don't know if you should marry him, wait 5 years and you will know.
• it doesn't matter if you're 45 and he is 50, or if you are 50 and he is 30, or if you are 60 and he is 20, love is love!

other advice on global politics and homesickness:

• why does everyone want to fight? i'm so sad because the mean Korea (north Korea) wants to fight and take all the good people who are poor and trick them with promises. they want to get big and get plenty money and not help people who need help. i don't want to do that to poor people. i don't want to fight anybody.
• why do people take all the nice people in Africa and tell them what to do? they just want to live!
• why doesn't Heavenly Father talk back to me? i just want to sit by him and play with him and eat with him and ask him all the questions!
• when i leave Korea, i wanted to cry so bad, but my mom told me not to cry because my papa's heart is too thin. so now i just work hard at my english to make my oma and papa proud.

"for as long as we have voices..."

“in the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. in the end, maybe it's wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely,

for as long as we have voices.” 

-elizabeth gilbert

in the last four weeks (and quite frankly, the whole summer), i have been the incredulous and truly awestruck recipient of the most wonderful service, support, love, and friendship from so many people. i am not particularly known for being short on words, but i honestly fall short when it comes to my ability to express my wonder and the depth of my gratitude for the countless ways that numberless individuals have made me feel so thoroughly loved these last few weeks, both in my indian adventure, and more specifically the bore-well project (for those of you who don't know, we successfully met our funding goal).

with giant glittery tears falling around me, i'd like, for as long as i have my voice, to sing my sincere thanks. it's been a blessing, and i almost feel out of place being able to witness both sides of the beautiful tapestry of interconnectedness and love--those all around the world who hold pieces of my heart, those whose lives did not interweave with mine until now, and the 10,000 individuals who we are serving, who have remarkably done more than their share of the work but are still so grateful. i feel privileged to know the hearts and souls who have come together to contribute, support our team, share the word, listen to my beating heart as i struggled, worried, and processed, all equally as important. and i feel almost as if i don't deserve the outstanding privilege to be able to see first-hand the impact that it will make. 

to those who i know personally:

it has been said that, "we can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." you are all my treasures, and i have never felt more alive. 

i recognize you each have your own burdens, heartache, and difficulties. your selflessness and kindness overwhelms and humbles me. 

this experience has been nothing short of divine and magical, and for that, i will be forever grateful. 

thank you from our team, thank you from our partner/community members, and thank you from the bottom of my squishy little red-headed, dance-loving, indian-smelling, half-chilean heart.

much love from india,

brookie

monsoon season

with a renewed hope of freshness and life, the monsoon season hit southern india with abruptness and confidence. people looked forward to the monsoons that would temporarily save them from their drought. the monsoons were supposed to bring water to those who wait days for water. they were supposed to bring softer soil, and promise of a kitchen garden for those without income and subsequently without food.

yet, the monsoons hit with a week of vengeance, and since it has been smoldering hot again. it came like a thief in the night--here one day, and gone the next. the thing is, the days that the monsoon hits, the streets are deserted. trash, human and animal waste, and dirt float to the surface. not a single item remains even halfway dry. and i've learned one very important lesson:

try as you might, you can't clear your view or see a path clearly with a wet hand.


it is hard to wipe something completely clean with something dirty.

i feel as if here in india, we are constantly struggling to fight for a new path, but mostly just smudging things around. my previous post illustrates some of the daily juxtapositions that i encounter. today, i had to sit quietly as i heard about undesired daughters named "unwanted" (Nakusa) or "girl who was not wanted." i had to sit and listen about girls who are named "girl to be used as a social prostitute" (Mataram). girls whose families believe that these young girls (aged 7-13) can be married to hindu gods, and in turn be used by any man in their village at any time they desire. these girls are sacrificed and dedicated to the entire village for the men's pleasure.

today i witnessed as three laboring women with infants slung on their sides clamored to get onto a moving train with water buckets tied to a bamboo pole. subsequently, two of the women lost a few of their water buckets, something they have to purchase here with their own savings for laboring. i watched as i saw the forlorn look cross their faces when these women started calculating the real cost of what just happened: weeks of savings to purchase the buckets, the set back that means on their daily income of a few rupees a day (a few cents a day) without the buckets, and how much they will have to save to purchase some new ones. this whole time i watched them literally fighting for their own lives, a man was in the seat next to me pointing out microsoft's biggest headquarters outside of the US, and facebook's asia headquarters here in hyderabad.

the thing is, there are days where i can't make much sense of what is actually going on around me. there are other days where things are blatantly clear. like the hot sun here is being magnified and singed into my forearm for me to never forget. i can't help how clearly i understood today that the bottom line is this: we are all humans and should be treated as such. today, more than ever, i re-learned that suffering is universal, as can be compassion, empathy, and a smile. although sometimes it may seem impossible to see the path through the monsoons, and maybe sometimes you can't find that dry hand to wipe away the murk, that eventually the monsoons stop, and in the end they bring life back into a desolate place.

gratitude

i started this blog post ages ago, because of this quote i found:

‎"Absence of gratitude is the mark of the narrow, uneducated mind. It bespeaks a lack of knowledge and the ignorance of self sufficiency."

- Gordon B. Hinckley

beautiful woman from the leprosy colony, picture by one of our interns, katrina

the thing is, as i now reflect on myself, i believe i knew nothing of gratitude back when i started on this post. i'm by no means saying that i know every dimension, angle, and all depth when it comes to gratitude. however, what i am saying is that my gratitude has lately covered uncharted territory in my synapses. the other day i wrote out a list of what i was grateful for based on what i had seen, and instead of complicating my list with superfluous explanations, i'll just share it with you all. enjoy.

i am grateful for:

• the knowledge that i have to know how to write my own name
• dexterity, mobility, and use of all of my limbs, joints, phalanges, feet, ankles, mouth, and face
• the fact that i also still have all of those parts
• parents who didn't have to choose between feeding themselves or other children, and keeping me
• parents, period. and ones that love and nurture me to boot
• the gospel in my life
• family--grandparents and cousins who love and support me
• forgiveness
• sight
• knowledge of the rules of health, and access to health care
• money and the ability to travel
• my experiences in life
• all of the people who love, support, and pray for me in my behalf
• technology and photography
• time
• smiles, with or without teeth
• giggles and laughs
• personality
• agency
• prayer
• food
• access to water (more on this later)

this may seem simple or even elementary, but that's totally fine with me. my heart swelled as i realized all of the things i've been given in this life, and all of the love that we are all constantly subjected to. the children and people that i interact with daily also see all of the things they've been given in life, and are constantly expressing their gratitude for things like shoes made just for their feet, learning how to make toys/picture frames/flower pots out of trash, etc.

trash toys, pots, and picture frames--picture by one of our interns, allie rae

hands of one of the women from the leprosy colony, picture by one of our interns, katrina

much love from india,

brookie

love quotes and favorite pictures

going on a walk in draper, ut

santa cruz, ca sunset

in provo watching fireworks for pioneer day

it's like those kissing salt shakers...

anybody who knows anything about me knows i absolutely am enamored with love. the thing is, i go through these periods in life when i think i've completely learned to understand every aspect of love, and then BAM i get smacked in the face with something entirely new, only to re-discover it's glory in a whole new meaning.


...but i digress. i'll leave you with these words from some author from the interwebzz. what is it about love that just makes us keep going back?! you know, the boys that when you see their name light up on your phone, give you butterflies, and you spend a good ten minutes trying to come up with a good response, and the best you end up with is: "ok :)." can't live with it, can't live without it.

"...scenes with the two of them that made me happy even if the characters were miserable because even when they were miserable together, it was better for them than when they were apart. there’s that thing about falling in love where you know it’s a mistake and you’re too damn smart to do that again, but it’s just THERE, your heart beats faster when you see him, he smiles the minute he sees you, and even when it’s awful, even when you swear never again, you have to go back. it’s like those kissing salt shakers with magnets in their mouths, you just have to click together."

i took this in santa cruz last november

missing...

i have so many things to say lately...

i still have all of my thoughts on love that i never shared

and i learned so much on my travels to vietnam.

take this as an introduction to my future thoughts that are about to derail and unload.

i realized this last trip, that there were so many people in my life that i wished had seen something there with me. maybe someone i thought needed to see a deserted beach (that they thought i'd get kidnapped from), or someone needed to come see all the glorious silk scarves and gorgeous colors, or someone i KNEW would love the musical/dance production.

then, i came home and saw this quote, and knew it was meant to be. i juxtaposed my new favorite quote, with a picture that i took in vietnam looking out in to cat ba in a heart-shaped coral rock. funny how every place i fall in love with, there is something that is heart-shaped. maybe it should be a new project?? 

Christmas

here i am in Cupertino. this place smells, feels like, and looks like home. it is home to me. i've had a lovely time being with my family, and remanscing about beautiful and hilarious times we've had with just the three of us.

i've been thinking about lot about Christmas, and what it means to me, and in all honesty, i think it all comes down to love. us needing, sharing, understanding, and living love in our lives, and the only way to be able to gain more and more for even those we may not want to love is through Christ.

i hope you've all had a gorgeous Christmas, and that you've all been able to soak up all the warm fuzzies Christmas has to offer. hopefully you've filled your heart (and stomach) so you feel like if you sit around any longer you might explode, and hopefully you can find more ways to love others.

this video made me cry (although sometimes it doesn't take a lot to make me cry haha). the simple little 3-min video combined: the weepies, BYU's modern dance program, and modern dance, all of which are my favorites. click on the link to see his actual Web site (and the making-of which is inspiring!!!!), but for now just enjoy the video.

love, warm fuzzies, and cold noses,
xoxo
brookie*

can't get enough of love

i've decided to commandeer the title of "love advocate."

it seems i can't get enough of it lately.

finding love(ly) tunes, melodies, movies, clips, pictures, etc.

here are two of my latest favorite clips:

1. stardust. (sorry michelle, i know you dislike this movie, but this may be the best monologue on love that ever did exist. i dare you to find better--if you do, leave it in my comments). yvaine, a star, confesses her love to her travel buddy....

2. this sweet trailer for upcoming movie "restless." i have to admit, it looks a little cheesy/weird (okay he has a friend that's a japanese ghost), but i looooove the line at the end. you're lying to me if you say you haven't ever felt like that.

xoxo
ps. i couldn't wait until 11:11 tonight to post this, so i'm doing 2:09 (which adds up to 11)

relations with ships, day 3

i am juice-less for good titles today.

today's "class" was on relationships, mostly focusing on intimate ones. i soaked up every second of it because it's something i've been working on and gathering lately. gathering like people in the kalahari desert gather roots for water. i have seriously been thirsting after what i can do, who i can become, and how i can better my current relationships and ideals on love.

the format from what i learned from this lesson will be entirely scatter-brained so i will list the most excellent points, in no particular order. the first bullet will be the quote/note i took. the indented bullet beneath will be my very own thoughts. lucky you! 

1. with regard to current relationships, if you want out of one, you associate pain with staying in it. if you want in, you associate pain with leaving. relationships are about emotional associations. we don't respond to life itself. we respond to what we associate with life (or the situation). 

   a. not much i can add to this

2. relationships should be about unlimited giving and sharing. the second you start measuring what you or they've done, it becomes a transaction.

   a. this is something that i practice when dating (not in real relationships, however i haven't been in a "real" one for a long time.....but when dating, i tend to measure who invited who last. who texted last. who texted first. is it my "turn?" this for me has been hard to balance, because unfortunately we can't be too over-eager during the game phase, which stinks. i wish i could just spend time with them when i wanted to, text them if i felt like it without having to worry if i'm "being too much" or who did it last? this mentality has temporarily ruined me. because i've been in the game for so long, without this beautiful reminder, i may have gotten into a relationship and entirely forgotten that it's no about keeping tabs. it's about unlimited love, sharing, and giving.

3. no quote.

   a. he had us write a list of what we are looking for (and identifying our "musts") and what we need to be to attract that. the funny thing is that i recently went through all almost-three-hundred of my posts and created a "tag cloud" on the side for your viewing pleasure and my own sanity. as i was going through each of my posts, i ran across some gems, and these two in particular that relate to my assignments. WARNING: I CREATED THESE YEARS AGO. a letter "to my perfect man" describing him, and a funny resumé of myself. interestingly enough, the letter to my perfect man is still my perfect man, but i have some different things added, and i'm not nearly as cheesy as i was before. the resumé of myself has changed a bit as my priorities, passions, ideas, and hobbies have changed. fun to see that about myself, and good to know my ideas about who i want to end up with haven't changed with where the wind has blown me. 

   b. my one beef with the list thing: people get too stuck on it. i completely agree with him when he says that to attract what you want, you have to know what you want and what you have to become. completely agree. however, when "musts" on the list are physical traits, or ridiculously specific (like "he has to have gone to at least 23 countries and one of them has to be kenya), that is immature in my opinion. thoughts?? i used to have physical traits on my list when i was 19, but i realized with time, that as long as i was attracted to someone (sure, i have a type, but some of my favorite people i've dated haven't met my "type" at all), physical stuff can grow...

4. make a list of your "magic moments" big and small. ask yourself, "what do i love about them?" then go over the magic moments with your companion. 

   a. i LOOOOVE this point! i used to do this all the time with the last guy i dated (again, i've forgotten about this because i've been so out of relationship-practice), and i promise you it works! magic moments can be big or small--from a fleeting smile or cute text, to big important celebrations and dates remembered. 

all i can say is, this has been a wonderful reminder and refresher course. through my searching in finding and figuring out what love is,

i've learned this: love is a muscle, and a skill.

my sweet grandparents who have used the love muscle long enough...they're like love body-builders!
viña del mar, chile

if it is not exercised, it can quickly atrophy, and when used, seems to become the fountain of youth. you must practice and refine it, just as you must your body, playing the piano, or getting good at algebra, and when you do reach that point of being able to love and give freely (whether it is intimate or not), you will experience the "fountain of youth" effect. <--this was going to be a topic of one of my "love" blog posts, but i'll just leave it at that.

think about it. 

chances....

a while ago, i wrote a post about love and how i've questioned it for quite some time now. i thought i knew my answer then, but now i know it in a more profound way than i could have ever asked for. 


i was recently told that i feel emotions more deeply than most people, that i'm never content with being...content. i'm never in between, grey, or mediocre. well, i flew from love-doubt into being a love-lover again, and i have several thoughts on love. i've cooked up thoughts on different aspects love, different types of love, different ways to love, why love is so touchy, and i've collected quotes, dreams, thoughs, and songs on love. i am a firm advocate of love now, and hope to spread it -- thick and creamy like peanut butter. i just love love!


look forward to the next few posts on love, but for now, look back on the comments on my last post. they're absolutely beautiful, and all come from people i totally admire. they originate from people i trust, and people who i know believe in love because they've found love.


for now, i'll leave you with this:

is there a better bet than love??

i need more heart real estate

sometimes, just sometimes, i feel as if i am so overwhelmed.
but not like stressed out, or i have too much to do or anything, that rarely happens.


i feel like my heart is overwhelmed. i feel as if i have no more physical space for any sort of emotions, and i feel like i don't have the right ideas, feelings, emotions, or words to synthesize what is going on. maybe it's not that i don't have the right ones, maybe it's just that i just have too many.


feelings take over me, and i feel like i need to make room for more to pour in. i can't take it all in, and i start these soliloquies in which i have to figure what i'm even feeling. i need to just take a deep breath, and hope that some heart real estate (HR) clears up for me to use all of my brain real estate (BR) productively.


see, the problem with my very own HR and BR, is that they often disagree. i tend to lean towards my BR because it is logical. it always makes sense, and i can count on its ever-present logic model. x always equals y. i like formulas and steps, and my precious BR has so many formulas etched into its crevasses that i could never go wrong. 


then all of a sudden my HR steps in, and introduces exceptions to all my BR has learned to understand, and my homeostatic state suddenly becomes interrupted. my poor little heart fights to be heard over the overwhelming BR, and i quickly find myself needing more room to take it all in. taking in my circumstances--understanding whether i'm feeling love or friendship; understanding if i'm happy or content; understanding that often others' opinions will diffuse my own, and i must not always listen to what others say; understanding why someone would mistake my good intention for something hurtful; understanding that it's sometimes okay to miss people so much your heart aches, and that this is all part of this glorious experience we call life.


so cheers to allowing my heart to grow, and sometimes be heard.
cheers to figuring out when it's okay for x not to equal y, and to sometimes being completely irrational.

adversity

my adversity doesn't define me.

we all go through things, and it doesn't matter the specifics, because whatever it is, it's hard to us. it may be lack of health, money, love, comfort, clothes, or whatever. either way, it's difficult to us, and that's all that matters.

the real thing that we have to learn is this: no matter what our adversity may be, it doesn't make us who we are. it makes us into who we are supposed to become, by the way we react to it.

...and somehow it all becomes okay when i think about

1. who i will become through all of this

2. who i can potentially help and comfort in the future because of all of this

3. what i can learn from this so i can hopefully avoid it, or react better in the future

4. all of the things i've been blessed with

suddenly what seemed like a sunset becomes a sunrise

(picture from puerto plata, dominican republic)

speak louder than the words before you

"...and give them meaning

no one else has found

say everything you've always wanted

be not afraid of who you really are....

and i would give the world to you."

whilst chatting it up at the latest local hang out (yogurt stop--it's embarrassing how addicted i am), we were talking about which youtube vids we watch almost every day. well, this is mine.

it inspires me. it uplifts me. it makes me smile. and it gives me courage.

xoxo

brookie
ps. is that a real dog in the video??? i've wondered that for all 8 months i've watched this vid. it's practically a horse!!

loooove!

recently, i've had this little debate going on inside my head with myself. although, i guess if it's inside my head, who else would it be with?? uhhh...anyways

what is love?

does it really exist? is it something that we can all hope to find? and does it last?

now, some may argue that i may be jaded, or bitter, but trust me when i'm say i'm definitely not either of those. i just feel that it's something that everyone should question (like whether or not you believe in a higher being or Heavenly Father), and really i'd rather question it now while i'm not in any sort of committed relationship.

background:

i used to be really cheesy. like really really cheesy. i've told two boys i love them. i also used to be a crusader for love. like so badly that my profile on here says "i think the world needs more love." but that's the thing. the more i thought about the first boy i told i loved, the more i realize that i didn't really love him. i probably said it back, because that's what girls do. that's just the next step in the progression of life, and if you don't love someone there's is something really wrong with you.

the second boy i told that i loved him, i actually seriously considered spending eternity with the kid. funny how i remember feeling that when we broke up, that i would never feel anything again. it was sort of this feeling of numbness that i had, and i felt that nothing could ever stir up emotions inside me again. i thought that i was a lost calloused soul for life and that nothing could make me more terribly happy than when i was with him, and nothing could make me more terribly sad than when we broke up. boy was i wrong.

and that's where my questioning came into place. i figure, if i had told both of those boys (and countless friends and family) that i love them, but somehow i don't love them anymore, does that mean that love does not exist? does that mean that it is just a hormonal imbalance where we trick ourselves into being in love just so we can get married or just so that we can feel close to someone? can't we feel close without saying "i love you?" didn't the Savior admonish us to love people? how can we do so if it's not real?

i have drawn my conclusion. but really, i want to hear what you think first.
so i'll leave my conclusions on love for a later post. for now, here's a new favorite song:

you'll never need more

"and you think you'll be happy if granted one more wish, but the truth is, you'll never need more than this"

-my dearest soul sista vanessa carlton

this sort of goes back to my life lessons from the hubble #1 but it has really been something i've been thinking about a lot lately. it's sort of a family joke, where a lot of us were "born on rollerskates. i get antsy staying put for one place too long. i get discouraged and move on if i don't get the wanted response from boys i'm digging. i had a different job just about every year in college. all of those things have changed recently, as i've been in the same house for two years, i've had the same job for two years, and i've become much more patient with dating.


here's the thing. if we have this mentality, we'll never be happy with where we currently are! how selfish and ungrateful of us to not appreciate everything that we've been given. my bishop pointed out this sunday, on a day i was feeling particularly hard on myself, that we need to look around us. just open your eyes and see beyond your own nose. be grateful that you have a nose and eyes first of all. be grateful that you have a fairly healthy beautiful, miraculous body and mind. be grateful that you, unlike most of the world, know how to read. most of you are probably reading this on a personal computer (whether it's our own at home or your own at work makes no difference. in fact, if you have both of those, consider yourself fortunate). there are so many things that i often forget to remind myself that in fact, i'll never need more than this--except for more gratitude, patience, and love.


i remember one particular situation that really impacted my life. i went to the dominican republic in 2006, and my life has never been the same since. i saw some terrible and beautiful things in that short summer that have forever been seared into my heart and mind. i remember, however, one of the first days after we started having children come to the summer camp, this girl noticed that i not only had different pants on, but different shoes as well. she then pointed out to me that she had bought her first pair of shoes ever just for the summer camp. she was 6 years old. best part? she was probably one of the happiest little girls in her class. the picture above is a picture i took on my disposal of some kids that lived in a dug out of a baseball field, and as you can see clothes were not a necessity. 


maybe we think we'll be happy if we just have that "one more thing..." but maybe we wont.

i'm yours....

no, really.

this kid (and his itchy nose) has stolen my heart.

xoxo

can i get an amen?

"There is a sacredness in tears.

They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.

They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.

They are messengers of overwhelming grief…

and unspeakable love."

-Washington Irving

picture from le love

Vivianita

Mamita,

You are absolutely incredible. Thanks for being an example of virtue, integrity, honesty, beauty, love, for encouraging me in my ridiculous persuits, for taking me seriously when sometimes no one else does, for teaching me how to attempt to be crafty (you're way better than i am!!), for always teaching me to study, to read, to love to learn, to love the gospel, and to love others. Today, I am celebrating your life, as you have almost been taken from me one too many times. Love you tons. Happy bday.

xoxo

Brookie Baby, Pumpkin, Sweetie (all names my mother affectionately calls me)

ps. picture line up: my mom sends me love notes via pictues, the second one is not my mother, but me with an amazing quilt she made me for my 21st!!, and the last clip is about the women in our lives. i loveeeee it.

home

i'm loving the little "project" that is asking people to submit

what home is to them....

i posted the post card that i think describes me perfectly.

home.........................(for me (now i'm sounding like randy jackson))

-changes every year

-is not defined by any possessions, as each one is completely temporary

-will always remind me of these beauties: