i am by no means unhappy (like at all actually), but at times have wondered what moves men my age to make the decisions they do about relationships. my friend alex and i came to the conclusion this summer (through endless gChat conversations dissecting the men in our lives) that it was in fact the feminist movement that destroyed the guys. sorry if you are a man my age reading this, but you are most likely a destroyed man, and hopefully this post enlightens you, as i have decided it is my mission in life to enlighten men.

here are the facts (according to yours truly):

1. men use to be chivalrous, brave, determined, and non-commitment-phobs (back in like the old western days, and even down to my very own grandpa's days). they would choose a woman, and go after her like he should. they used to open doors (which some men these days still do), go on dates instead of hang out, and when they started talking about marriage, they weren't scared silly. in fact, i'll bet they wouldn't break up with their "sweetheart" right after discussing the topic. they would get married no matter how much money they had, and they would get married no matter how young they were.

2. then there was rosie the riveter. she wanted her rights, she wanted to be independent, and she wanted to go out there to help her family financially and emotionally while the men were gone at war. the men came back to extremely powerful and independent women who still needed men (as we learn in the proclamation to the family) but had taken on some of the roles of providing.

3. this changed the course of history to move into a phase of strong women who were able to have the same rights as men, and even hold higher positions in the business place, etc. Women decided they could actually achieve their dreams, make a goal, go for what they wanted, and fulfill more than they ever were able to in the past. this also moved from the scope of business to being strong women in intimate relationships. women started choosing the men they wanted to go for, etc. so the men did not have to work as hard for what they wanted. they went with their options as they came up and the women did the battling over the men they wanted to date and eventually marry.

4. currently, we are in a state where men are lazier when it comes to relationships and are fine with women asking them out, and sometimes even proposing. the women have made it too easy for guys, and people can live together for years without ever having to commit. men can date hundreds of women without ever having to commit (because they're for some reason terrified of that word) and women put up with it. because of this horrible lazy tendency, men wait around for those aggressive girls with no heed to old-fashioned chivalry. don't get me wrong, i have been on dates/dated men who are gentlemen (meaning they open doors and pay for things...sometimes) but they still have more modern expectations when it comes right down to it. they expect women to ask them out if they don't ever get the guts to do so. all this has led to less self-confidence, shyness, and commitment issues because they have never had to choose a girl, go for her, and just marry her whether they were scared or not.

now, i do realize this is an over-generalization and there are several exceptions to my comments, but for the most part there are old-fashioned girls like myself who agree with me. girls even become so desperate that they think they need to change themselves or their personalities to woo men, when in reality there is nothing wrong with them except for the fact that the boy they are interested in lacks confidence (or he is straight-up just not into her).

well anyways, after figuring out this progression of history, and coming to the same conclusion with MANY of my girl friends and even guy friends (the list extends beyond the realm of fingers and toes, which means that my data could potentially be analyzed in statistical data, and the outcome of my hypothesis could come to a p-value of less than .001--i promise) i saw the post card above on a website of secrets (use discretion as some images are disturbing or inappropriate).

I couldn't help but chuckle that someone else had come to the same conclusion, and that it is in fact true. well, i guess there is not much to do about it. any thoughts?


Viviana said...

I so agree with you. I think this should be posted in some forum of some sort. It may even be an eye opener to some.... You sound wise. Just stating some truth. I think even those that are married today may have some of these issues of the feminist movement with independent,working women who enable the husbands to take a back role in the family, allowing (for convinience) the women to do "all the work" under the idea that it is O.K. to let "women be independent", "I want you to live your dream", I want you to have "equal" opportunities, etc. The Family Proclamation is an excellent reference for all of us as to what we should be doing in our roles as revealed to our leaders.
Good entry Brook!

Alex said...

Thanks Brook. This is EXACTLY what I have been thinking/feeling for the past few years, and every single word you say is so true. It's great that women have become empowered with confidence, now we need the boys to grow up and gain some too.
Ugh, but waiting sure does stink.

Brady and Taryn said...

I completely agree with you! I remember being so frustrated with guys, because guys would NEVER just ask a girl out on a date. It was always just "hang out". And there seems to be a lot of guys who are "forever single". They will date a girl, for awhile, then the second it gets serious move on to the next, only to do the exact same thing.

Lucky for me, I found a guy who was willing to put in the effort. I played a little hard to get, and I might add that it was him "wooing" me that really made me fall in love with him, and he even says that since he had to put so much effort into "getting" me, that's how he knew I was worth it. Because he didn't want to let it go.

I guess its left up to us to raise our own sons to preserve chivalry!

p.s. sorry this is so long. and also, you're idea about dressing up as an elf and handing out hot cocoa packets.... best. idea. ever.

austin said...

I was talking to a (guy) friend about this today, and neither of us felt that we fit in this category. But we did agree that it's a fine line. We're both totally on board with the guy does the asking out and holding doors etc., but if the girl doesn't do anything like invite the guy over to do something with roommates or just come over and play some board games or something in between dates, we kind of take it as a sign that they're not really interested. Neither of us just want a girl who's going to completely sit back and just be asked out a whole bunch of times without reciprocating in some way. Again, not asking the guy out on a date, but showing interest in some way. So take that for what you will, but that's how us two roll, and probably others like us. I don't consider that being lazy, but maybe that's just because I'm a lazy botch :)

brook said...

taryn! i completely agree with brady..the more work he puts into the relationship, the more he loves you! yayy you guys are adorable.

biggins-that is a very valid point. i DEF agree that the girl has to do work as well (inviting the boy to casual stuff, text messaging, etc), but i don't think the initiating has to be done by her. i know if i don't invite a guy to stuff in between dates, it means i'm not into him....

Christy said...

You'll be grateful for the switch in roles when you have a baby and your husband helps change diapers and wash bottles! They're are some good things that came from men changing!

Dustin said...

Another "broken man" has been enlightened by your asserted opinions Brook-your "mission in life" is being accomplished :)

I'm trying to "find a hold" but there is still a lot of mystery to you yet. You like to wildly dance, mud wrestle, and listen to "marajuna"/reggaeton jams, and joke about being "clean"...all while similtaniously your father(who you seem to adore) is a Bishop and your Grand Dad is an ameritus General Authority. You definitely are no cookie dough cutter girl Brook.

I find your conclusions on courtship very fun to read, and you've got some bright friends as well.